Mob Squad: Episode 1 Script[]
Episode 1
Cooper is walking through the forest
Cooper: On my daily stroll, oh. On my daily stroll. Going in the woods is so much fun when I'm on my daily stroll, oh. Oh hello Mr. Tree, hello there Mr. Grass, hello Mr... what the f*ck.
He sees Steve come out of his house
Cooper: Oh my goodness, what is this evil?
Steve kills a nearby sheep. Cooper screams and runs off. The others are back at the cave.
Cameron: Who put this block here.
Phil: Cameron who the f*ck do you think who put that block there. You. You're the only goddamn person here who can move blocks.
Cameron: I would never put a block right there.
Marcus: Cameron, you put the block there.
Phil: Yeah.
Marcus: You...
Phil: I said that. Marcus, Marcus. I said that.
Marcus: He put the...
Phil: He put the, he put the block there you're absolutely right now just sh...
Kirby: Now you boys quit arguing over there it don't matter if the boy put the block down here.
Lyle: Let's just say if you didn't put it there, where do you think the block then should go?
Cameron: (Talks with Cooper's muffled calls in the background.) Alright. Now we're getting somewhere.
Cooper: Guys!
Marcus: Cooper!
Cooper: You guys gotta come see this there's this thing in the forest.
Phil: Woa, woa, woa. What do you mean a thing.
Cooper: I ain't see nothing like it before but there's a creature living in it.
Marcus: Ooo.
Phil: But we've seen every creature in the land.
Cooper: You've never seen anything like this it's a monster.
Phil: Alright alright alright.
Lyle: What did it do to make it be a monster.
Cooper: He killed a sheep.
Marcus: (Moans)
Phil: Alright it might not be to bad of an idea to go there, introduce ourselves...
Cooper: You don't wanna introduce yourself to this thing, he's a vast murderer, he commited sheep genocide.
Phil: He killed one sheep.
Cooper: Yeah he killed the one. It was a holocaust.
Phil: Ok, that is not a holocaust. He killed one.
Marcus: Sheep killer.
Lyle: Now listen Phil. What are we gonna about them right now.
Phil: There's gotta be an explination for why he killed that sheep, let's just go over there and talk to him.
That night they go over to Steve's house.
Phil: Ok, so this is the place.
Cooper: I'm staying back here, I ain't going anywhere near.
Phil: Alright, alright.
Lyle; How are we gonna do this.
Cameron: Mabye we should get in a line so when he comes out and sees the one guy...
Lyle: We don't want to make him feel like he's being threatened, mabye we should have someone who's a little bit more friendly.
Marcus steps forwards, Phil pulls him back.
Phil: No, definetly no.
Marcus: I will do..
Phil: No stay, noo.
Cameron: Oh would you look at that block.
Marcus: I would like to help.
Phil: No, I'm not gonna look at the block.
Cameron: I'm gonna move that.
Phil: Err, someone not scary, who's friendly. Err... Kirby!
Kirby: Yeah, I'll go talk to him right now I will talk to the creature and introduce ourselfs.
Phil: Well good.
Cooper: He's gonna die!
Phil: Shut the f*ck up he's not gonna die!
Marcus: He's not a sheep.
Steve opens the door and sees Kirby
Kirby: Oh hello ther, my name is Kirby.
Steve continuously hits Kirby until he's dead
Cooper: I F*CKING KNEW IT, IT'S GENOCIDE!
Marcus: SHEEP KILLER!
Everyone runs around screaming.
The next day everyone is back at the cave, except Kirby.
Cameron: Oh, they killed Kirby.
Cooper: Kirby's dead.
Lyle: What the hell are we gonna do here. What the hell are we gonna do.
Phil: This is our land damnit. There's only one of that Mother f*cker.
Cooper: I think phills right. This is our territory.
Lyle: We need a pact. We need to do something to bond us together.
Cameron: Right we need to make a vow right here today.
Lyle: A vow.
Cameron: We will not sleep.
Lyle: We have to sleep. We gotta sleep a little bit.
Cameron: Ok, but we will not stop until this man is dead.
Cooper: Are we a team now? What do we call ourselves?
Marcus: Team. Team, we're team.
Phil: No we're not just team.
Marcus: The team. Cooper: What if we're a squad. Like a Mob squad.
Marcus: Mmmmm.
Phil: Hey! That's good. Mob squad.
Cooper: That's good. I said it. I said it. It's what we are. It's final.
Phil: Alri...
Cooper: F*ck you it's final.
Phil: That settles it. We're the Goddamn Mob squad.
Cooper: And we're gonna kill that Mother f*cker.
END OF EPISODE
Mob Squad theme song